nothing is significant enough

Been a while...

i don't feel like naming this post a "devo." i think, perhaps i've strayed from the idea of devotion, and gone off to create posts that just screams: listen to me! i know stuff! i'm important!...and i labelled them "quasi-" cuz i know in my mind that they have a high tendency to be biased and even wrong.

I've been wandering, and i'm afraid to admit to anyone. I've been a leader without knowing WHY. And now i want to hide my incompetence and lack of discipline/diligence from those who know me.
Worse is the fact that i don't want to stop pretending to be a leader, because i feel more natural being in charge, and ....it's a weird feeling.

so this is what pure pride is...it's so deep that i've lost my identity. i no longer know what's genuine and fake in myself.

everything is in disarray.

But God is good.



wow that took a lot just to type that out!...

God, did you mean for me to succeed? or is trying good enough? I'm not even talking about trying to gain salvation for myself, but just TRYING to just HOLD ON to you.

where is my resolve? where is my closure?
why do i make insignificance bigger than YOU?