Thursday, June 29, 2006

Devo #10 - Extreme Forgiveness, Extreme Love

read this article, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/5129350.stm

Following recent comments from Lord's Resistance Army rebel leader Joseph Kony in which he denied committing atrocities, Ugandan Ochola John, 25, responds by telling his story. He was abducted by rebels from his village, Namkora in northern Uganda, which was attacked in February 2002. During the attack 50 people were axed to death and he was one of 35 abductees.

I wish I could be born again. It hurts me to see my reflection because of the way I now look.
The memories of it all are so painful.
It was in the night when I saw a number of torches flash at me. I was commanded to lie down facing the ground. As I did so, the rebels began raiding other houses around me.
They arrested many - tying, and lying the victims on the ground in three lines.
People were screaming from all corners of our village.
Two men were tied and forced onto the ground where their heads were joined together. The rebels tried to force me to pick up a log and hit their heads but I refused so one came for me with a knife and cut off my left ear. He accused me of being a government soldier and said that I would be finished off if I failed to smash their heads.
But then, they started smashing the people's heads themselves. I was put in the middle as they smashed the people's heads.
Abducted
At about 0700 in the morning, they led 35 of us into the bush. About five kms (approximately three miles) from the scene they began taunting me, saying that I was big-headed, and because I refused to respect them I would be cooked alive.
They kept on beating us and they denied food or water from us. We complained saying we were hungry and thirsty. They stopped raping the women that were in our group and acted as though they were going to let us eat and drink. The ladies were forced to boil water in a big tin.
Shortly after this they announced that we would eat the government soldier - supposedly, me.
For a long time, the rebels took turns at beating us men with hot metal, and raping the girls.
I was already spiritually dead.
They returned to me at some point and re-tied me before chopping off my lips. They then cut off my right ear and my nose.
Some time later their commander Joseph Kony phoned, telling them to leave the place immediately.
We were then relocated about 15km further into the bush.
Bad omen
I was bleeding. I could not cry anymore and for two days I couldn't drink water.
The rebels debated for two days whether or not I was to be killed. They told me I was a bad omen and so must suffer.
My wounds had begun to rot. The smell was so bad. But still they refused me any treatment.
Then on the seventh day, because I never expected to live, I insulted their commander in the hope that in revenge he would kill me.
He just ordered his soldiers to cut off my hands. They did.
That evening I remember seeing my fellow female abductees crying. One of them had been killed and another had had her breast cut off.
I don't know how but by what I think was the eleventh day of being abducted I was still living.
Helpless
The rebels kept telling me that I would soon be dead. They picked out two of the starving, tired girls that could hardly even walk from being repeatedly raped and ordered them to take me home.
The three of us were helpless. The girls were crying, inconsolably, when some government soldiers found us following a further night spent out in the open.
They took us straight to the nearest hospital where we received treatment. On reaching hospital, my wife came to see me with my parents, relatives and friends.
They found it hard to see me as a human being. I was rotting, smelly and deformed.
Time
My wife could not find words to speak to me. She just felt very sick.
My thoughts were filled with bitterness. I hated life and wished that I had just been killed. All I wanted was to commit suicide and die.
My wife started taking care of me in the hospital. I had asked her to leave me alone, explaining that because I was deformed, I couldn't be her husband anymore.
She refused. Over and over she rejected my request, saying that the baby she was carrying for us, the child we were expecting, needed a father.
She kept saying that I hadn't asked to be deformed like that and someday God would let me know why I had been put through such an ordeal.
My wife, Grace, with time helped to suppress my terrible feelings and thoughts.
When our baby boy was born, I named him Anywar, which in our Luo language means an insult or an abuse.
I named him so because of what the Lord's Resistance Army leader, Joseph Kony, did to me.
I try, but I cannot forgive, and I cannot forget.



Before you pull out a Sunday School answer, try to relate. Ok so hopefully that's next to impossible, but...

Do you guys find it ironic, even twisted, how the antagonist here is called the Lord's Resistance Army?

And what about the name of his wife: Grace? that's convenient =)

oh Don't get me wrong. Grace is never convenient.

Eph 2:8-9, "For it is by GRACE you have been saved..." Yes it is talking about God's grace. And how wonderful it is!! But lest you start to undervalue this, here is a reminder.

It was the same grace that manifested in Christ when He prayed on the Mount of Olives, "Abba, Father, all things are possible to thee; remove this cup from me; yet not what I will, but what thou wilt."

It was the same grace that manifested in Christ when He prayed on the Cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

If Christ is God's son, and God is graceful, it would make sense then that Christ IS the Grace, the Gift, from God. Moreover, since Christ IS God, CHRIST IS ALSO GRACEFUL.

We could say that Christ is the Gift that keeps on giving.



How do we tell Ochola John that he needs to forgive? I'm thinking, we don't. I'm also thinking we should pray that Mr. John will hear Christ's persuasion to forgive, that he would see Jesus as his ultimate role model for forgiveness and love, because the Cross beats all human suffering. No-one will ever suffer more than Christ has suffered, and no-one will be able to forgive more than Christ has forgave. But here we are, commanded to "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Col 3:13

I have a feeling that his bitterness will be temporary, due to the Grace in his life. And that includes his wife. =) She is demonstrating that biblical love that Voddie Bauchem pointed out in his "Love and Marriage" sermons. Although he only used it in context of love between man and woman, i believe this definition applies to all 4 types of biblical love. Biblical love, as he defined it, is this: love is an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of its object. GRACE(the wife) CHOOSES to love Ochola, and one can assume that this relationship is not VOID of emotion. She CHOOSES to stay with her deformed lover.

sorry i just thought that was a nice connection to what i recently learned.

(notice his first line in the article was "wish i was born again." ahaha...if he doesn't know Jesus yet, MAN he's so READY!)

Our hearts go out to you, Mr. John.

Our prayers go up to you, Almighty God of Grace.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Devo #9

ok

i'm speechless....no....i have a lot to say...i just ...can't ....hold it all in.....so i don't ...knwo what to say!

For those who HAVE heard the Voddie sermons of love and marriage. I really want to know how you feel about it. And plz, bear with me as i talk about it here.

I wanted to finish the whole series before i share with you guys (right now i've heard 1,2 and 4 of 4) but i just can't...i need to speak you directly.


2 Corinthians 6:14-18
Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers
14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
17"Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."
18"I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

I know i've used this passage before.

similarly,

Ephesians 5:5-14

5
For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them. 8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible.


ok what is the point?

Those of you in a relationship...EVALUATE!!!!
Those of you in a relationship where the "significant" other is NOT a Christian....

WAKE UP
!!!!!!!


WHY DO YOU "LOVE" AND ASK GOD TO HELP WHEN CLEARLY IT IS A SIN AND NOT WHAT GOD WANTS?!?!...because it feels good!...because you're in too deep....because you feel you've committed.....

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!! pleeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeee!!!! it's never too late...GOD don't think it's too late!!! if you can still say this to yourself, then God hasn't unleashed his WRAiTH yet.

I am no expert. I'm not qualified to counsel. But i WILL from now on ask God for the wisdom and courage to tell you STRAIGHT UP, IN LOVE,
"you have no excuse to continue investing your time with this person."


I will not give my own reasoning....i'll just hand you the bible.
pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee, my friends!! As I heard this sermon, my heart broke because I was reminded of you. and that i was too wimpy to say anything. As Voddie will tell you, read Eph 5 and 6 for the BASIC guidelines to finding a Godly partner, one who partners with God first and foremost.


FOR YOU WHO ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A FELLOW CHRISTIAN....evaluate...please....i beg you NOT to be afraid to say the other isn't "the ONE...ONE...one...one...."(you'll get it if you watch the sermon =P)

what is your purpose for being together, and don't say it's to "serve God's kingdom" and leave it at that!!!!....

do YOU know what the purpose of your relation is?!...is it for procreation of more Godly people and Illustration of Christ's love for his Church? these two are the most important ...no....the two sole purposes of marriage. at least, Godly marriage.

you're asking who the heck do i think i am to say all these things...

i'm not making these things up outta my own knowledge....HECK, I HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THIS MYSELF!....But please, all who read this.....THINK AND RETHINK...PRAY AND THEN PRAY SOME MORE....TALK TO FRIENDS AND THEN TALK TO PARENTS AND THEN TALK TO MORE FRIENDS....THEN PRAY SOME MORE!! WHAT IS SOOOO GOOD SHOULD NOT BE TAINTED BY SELFISH AMBITIONS.

be honest.

contact me if you want to know about the sermon....
i'll BUY it from the 722 website for you if i have to.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Love and Marriage...?

I finally got a chance to start listening to Voddie B. from the 722 site. He is one DANGEROUSLY powerful speaker! Dangerous in that...God WILL use him to SHAKE AND DESTROY things in our lives...

But enough about that guy. Hahaha... all that passion in his message, and the message itself, really...got to me... uh oh...you give me, an emotional single guy, a message of hope of "God's got a girl in store for you"...and you'll get me more fervently writing up a mental list of "potentials." Crap...Something i DONT' need to think about right now.

wait...hold on a second...Why CAN'T i think about it right now? WHY DO I KEEP THINKING THIS ISN'T FROM GOD?!...

Do YOU know?

What does it mean to be READY?... perhaps...and it sucks to admit it....that i MIGHT have been wrong in my thoughts of relationships. For those who have talked to me about relationships, you'd know that i was a great supporter of singleness at this point in our lives. My reason had been (and i guess, until further self-eval., still IS) that i will be ready when i know i've gotten rid of my deep nastiness's (that's not grammatically correct, shut up). I want those things out of my life completely before i even THINK about someone to share my life with. That's either a very noble or a very prideful attitude....i'm basically saying..."i don't want to hurt you. I want to be perfect when i marry you." ok ok...i really dont' know... for one thing, i know my deep nastiness's (shut up, i suck, i know) can and probably WILL destroy relationships...AND i've never heard of a situation (not yet anyway, share you success story plz!) where the relationship actually helped with the sin. It has always been destruction in my knowledge...

ok so here's THAT dilemma.

I think a while back I blogged about facts and feelings. I stand by that, because it's truth. I'm not sure, however, if i had underplayed the importance of emotions or not. I'm still not sure.
And i have to say, it FEELS like God's placed in me a desire for someone. Logically speaking, or rather, logically ASKING, is that enough?
so the question is, is there a difference between,
a) I feel, or
b) God's making me feel.

and...are my emotions really that far off from logic? or is it because i've so compartmentalized fact and feeling that if i have the emotion, i look for facts that specifically go against the feeling?

hey did i ever tell you i'm messed up? =D

it's like...never ending logic that discredits itself if i dont' go on explaining it, but i dont have that mental capacity to keep goin....

hahaha oh man.

and Voddie's message reminds me of Josh Harris' book, Kissing Dating Goodbye......hmmm

Monday, June 12, 2006

Devo #8 - Challenge

Take time to say hi to someone you haven't said it to for a long time.

and as you decide who you're going to say hi to and what you are going to say afterwards, evaluate your own thoughts:

how did you come to choosing this person?
how come you haven't talked to him/her for so long?
did you choose someone you are relatively comfortable to talk to?
or did you choose someone you knew could use some extra attention?

how did/do you compare yourself to this person who you're gonna talk to?


Philippians 2:3....well the whole chapter...the whole book, even, teaches Christ-HUMILITY. Paul uses selfish ambitions and vain conceit to contrast his points.

How many forms of pride can you pick out in your lives?...


I apologise for writing some of these blogs out of an attitude that I was a few steps ahead of whoever reads these.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" - Phil 2: 3

Sunday, June 04, 2006

brothers and sisters

I thank you all for showing your care and concern! I have been stuggling a lot with my own imperfection and the godlessness of the world. I wanted to ...i guess....you can say i DIDN'T want to hide my frustration anymore. I don't want to be the kind of person that wants people to think I'm all that. As I was open with my struggles, so were you in your kindness... I'm extremely thankful! and kind of sorry i made some of you worry for me.

In any case, You guys rock because God Rocks!!

ps....i just made up that number...don't call it....my number is 289 440 0079....plz call or at least, give me yours so i can talk with you.

FULL of your and His Love,

paul

Thursday, June 01, 2006

sigh

and life goes on...i thnk i'm still waiting for God to snap his fingers and restore me...maybe not in an instant, but maybe within these few years...it's hurting...why won't it stop....you suck....this is stupid....who are you talking to.... sigh....come on man...God forgave you already, so why can't you forgive yourself...it's not even about forgiveness....i don't want it....i want it so that i don't need to ask for forgiveness....that's stupid....who do you think you are?....so are we supposed to be mediocre for the rest of our lives?....who are you calling mediocre?.... by whose standard?.... so there's a lack of identity here....where is your worth?.... do i even know what i'm talking about?....i hate these questions....my room is dirty...you need to clean it.....shut up....i'm a drama queen....hahahahaha.... random thoughts.... see i told you i have ADHD. why won't anyone believe me?....cuz they don't know what ADHD is. especially when you want to define it for yourself....does it sound like i'm looking for pity?....no....yes.....and now you're thinking about who's gonna read this .....and they're gonna think you're just trying to show off your unique...something...right?..... i don't really care.... my reputation means nothing to me anymore..... does it now.....it doesn't. why should i care?.....why shouldn't you care? and why you still so morbid?....look who's talking..... you don't make sense.....you don't make sense....it's cool outside.....stop changing the subject plz....i rather talk about the weather. maybe i'll talk about weather the rest of my life.....this is a cry for help.....i need help.....someone told me i was a deep thinker. i asked if he thought that was a good thing.....i don't know anymore.....you never knew it in the first place......i sang hymns the whole morning.... where's that paul now? ....i was called a ladies' man.....you noticed that too right?....i did....i told dan before.....i wonder if anyone will read up to here.....let's test it..... if you know me, call me at 905 525 5500.....and ask me how i'm doing.....no better yet.....don't ask me that..... you know what i realised...... only a handful of people initiate conversation with me..... why do you think that is?....you tell me.....i have no idea..... i hate that......maybe you have better friends to tend to....and i guess you can't initiate conversation with everyone everytime you see them online..... then why are you complaining?....?.....what do you think this blog is for, jackass.....are you done yet?....do i have a time limit?..... you need to clean your room.....i need to clean my room.... you're 22 man..... shut up.....no you shut up, i can't stand you....when will you realise God's grace?.....how do you "realise" it?......when you stop typing, maybe you'll start to..... i know it already....you don't realise it though....it's just very hard to accept.....you know it.....i want to realise it.....you know where to look............... don't you?..... can i give up my faith?....do you want to?.....i'm not what that means though..... if you want to get rid of imperfection, then i don't think giving up Christ is a good way to get there.....i don't actually know what woul dlook like...life without Christ?....life NOT knowin Him..... wanna try?.....should i?.....feels like we've been there before.....does this sound like crazy talk only cuz we're chinese and stuff?....how long do you want to go on with this stupidity.....it's not stupid.... someday i'll read this and be like.....i was messed but God pulled me through......what about when you're kids read this someday. why can't you just store this on your comp....so i guess i do want to let people know how messed i am.....so much pride....too much.....yeah that's it.....i'm tired....if you know me you wouldnt have called that number.